...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
