I want to walk on stilts...naked
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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