At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
