Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
