That's intense
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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