Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
