i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
