You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
