Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
this will be a night to untag.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
