there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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