I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
