The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
