i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
