Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
