CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
