Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
