Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
