On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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