I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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