the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I AM VODKA MAN
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
