I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
