Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
