I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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