Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
