Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
