We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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