I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
