the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
