too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
