Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My brain says no but my pants say off.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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