I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
