Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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