meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
