In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
