like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
