Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
