absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
