I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
