Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
