i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
