He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
