his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
