ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I want to have your abortion
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
