i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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