I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
