also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
