he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
