is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have tasted many bathrooms
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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