My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
