Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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