i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
