Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
