Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
