I just made out with a guy for $7.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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