I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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