In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
